Mamma mia, that’s a spicy soccer game! Photo by Margaret Griffis

Forces of noise-making, beware! The crusading heroes of peace, quiet and quality of life have teamed up to fight excessive disturbances from nightlife institutions south of Fifth Street.

So sayeth a press release sent to Murmurs on Aug. 20 that evoked images of activists wearing costumes as they use their powers to battle lounge lizard-attracting super-villains who want to open stealth clubs in an area known as South Pointe or South of Fifth (depending who you ask). Taking the part of Batman: Gerald Posner, a writer known for his analytical books on historical and current events who promised to make a “big stink” if called to do so as president of the recently minted South of Fifth Street Neighborhood Association. Fairly new to the local political activist scene, Posner is media savvy. He likes to send e-mail press releases every time he gets quoted by the Miami Herald’s Neighbors section about, well, whatever.

And then there’s Frank Del Vecchio, who has fought on the side of peace, quiet and good government ever since he arrived on South Beach in the late 1990s. Del Vecchio, who never tires of giving detailed statements, is actually more like Robert Goren from Law and Order: Criminal Intent than a costume-wearing superhero type. He’s also more likely to send e-mails probing the city’s budget than newspaper articles. While Posner is known for writing books clarifying that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone in assassinating JFK and claiming the late Saudi Prince Ahmed bin Salman was friendly with al-Qaeda types, Del Vecchio once spotted an embarrassing math error with regard to a proposed South Pointe Community Center that nobody else noticed.

Their first act in the official Posner-Del Vecchio team-up: telling everyone to head on over to a Miami Beach Planning Board meeting on Tuesday, Aug. 28, at 2 p.m. at Miami Beach City Hall. “Posner and Del Vecchio are calling on all members of the South Pointe community to support an ordinance designed to reduce the growing nightlife impacts of noise, street crowds, litter, traffic and parking problems in the residential area South of Fifth,” reads the release. “… The Planning Board will hold a public hearing on an ordinance that will close a zoning loophole that permits virtually unrestricted restaurants and bars to open as ‘accessory uses’ to residential and hotel buildings in the South Pointe residential neighborhood.”

Should be a fun show to watch with or without costumed superheroes. For those who can’t make it that day, the Planning Board meeting will be televised on Channel 77 (in Miami Beach) and broadcast on the city of Miami Beach’s Web site, www.miamibeachfl.gov/video/video.asp (in Miami Beach and everywhere else).

God’s Dogs

Personally, Murmurs can take or leave canines. Yes, we recognize dogs have a symbiotic relationship with humans and that they genuinely feel love and affection for their particular Homo sapiens (master). But Murmurs does get highly amused by humans who really, really, really love dogs. A South Beach Dachshund Winterfest where humans bond with their wiener dogs? Oh, what a spectacle. And then there are the happy, perky e-mails from Lucia Greer, president of Responsible Dog Owners of Miami Beach, about picking up dog poo along the Beach. Yes, we know she is trying to create a world where man and dog can co-exist peacefully without an abundance of feces, but dude, the e-mails are hilarious.

So it was with great glee that Murmurs began reading an Aug. 20 press release titled “City of Miami Commissioner Marc D. Sarnoff Invites Community and Dog Lovers to Meet Blanche, Kennedy and Legion.”

Blanche, Kennedy and Legion aren’t alive. They are stainless steel dog statues bought by Sarnoff’s District 2 office from renowned artist William Colburn. Now available for viewing by the public at Sarnoff’s commission office at 3500 Pan American Drive, come Friday, Aug. 24, they will be transferred to their “permanent dog park homes” — namely Blanche Park, Kennedy Park and Legion Park.

“These sculptures commemorate man’s best friend, and the oath we all take to care for God’s creatures,” said Commissioner Sarnoff.

Ummmm ... OK? Not remembering taking any oath, Murmurs does not know what else to say about that and will just leave the subject alone.

Gooooooal!

What on Earth would get a couple hundred Miami Beach restaurant workers, their friends and customers, at least one crabby reporter and assorted other late risers to head down to Flamingo Park at the rarely seen hour of 10 a.m.? A soccer final, of course. For several weeks, Flamingo Park has been the scene of a soccer/football/fútbol tournament that would rival ... well, maybe not the World Cup, but the “Copa Flamingo” drags out as many locals as a “free beer during Manchester United game” sign would at any of the area pubs.

The teams represented several of the Lincoln Road and Ocean Drive area dining establishments. Wednesday’s final pitted the Spris team against a group from Da Leo Trattoria. Despite claims that it’s just a friendly and casual get-together between rival restaurants, the teams were all decked out in matching uniforms and winning attitudes.

Now, if 10 a.m. doesn’t sound early to you, ask the rooster who was repeatedly crowing nearby what he considers “dawn” to be. Or maybe the rooster was just a bit concerned about all the foul (cough) balls kicked in his direction? The spectators were just as enthusiastic as our feathered friend, cheering and booing in enough languages to thrill a UN interpreter. If only that cute guy could have taught Murmurs a few Romanian "greetings" after apologizing to Murmurs for using their English equivalents.

Mostly, it was a friendly match — despite a bit of, er, friendly name-calling and heated arguing. The Spris team took home a very tall and handsome trophy after a final score of 4-2 and a victory jog around the soccer field. Da Leo came in second overall, while Tiramesu sent over a jolly representative to pick up its third-place trophy. At the end somebody yelled, “Ahora una pizza!” (“Now, a pizza!”) Rumor has it another tournament is in the works, thanks to more restaurants wanting in on the action.

Earthquake Season

“I need to go to Peru.” A colleague asked if the SunPost had a desire for photos from Peru and if the paper would be willing to send her there so she could help the victims of the 8.0 magnitude earthquake in the process. Murmurs leaves these decisions to the bosses but directed her to a local agency that announced it was collecting goods to be sent to earthquake-ravaged Pisco. That agency then sent the do-gooder to the Opa-locka Executive Airport, where, she told Murmurs, she found a somewhat scattered but earnest volunteer effort in progress. After spending several days there and trying to get Murmurs (who is much too selfish) to come out and help as well, she said that in addition to a need for volunteers to help pack the pallets to be shipped to Peru, the following items are still needed (keep in mind it’s winter in that country): tents, sleeping bags, sanitary napkins for women, diapers for babies, powdered milk and formula, canned food goods that are easy to open, medicine from Tylenol to diarrhea products, bandages and other medical supplies, dust masks, winter clothing and blankets, not to mention generators and airplane rides to safer areas.
Efforts are still under way at the airport under the auspices of National Aviation Services, Inc. run by Alexander Rodriguez. Opa-locka Airport is located at 4052 NW 145th St., Miami. Call Rodriguez at 305-688-0077.
AYUDA (Adults and Young Children With Unmet Needs Deserve Attention), a Miami Beach-based nonprofit organization, is also collecting donations at its office, 1106 Normandy Drive. Donations can be dropped off from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday through Friday and until 11 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Call 305-864-6885.

Most city of Miami Fire-Rescue stations are collecting nonperishable items to send to Peru from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. through Sunday. The city asks residents to donate only the following items: water, nonperishable food items, baby formula (powder), first aid kits and honey. Call 305-416-5412. Murmurs’ friend expects to be Peru-bound by Friday.

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