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Ahoy there, mates!
My name is Smythe, the Caricature Pirate, and I be your
host to the SunPost’s Best of 2007: Treasures of
Miami and the Beaches. Arrrrrrr!
A little bit about myself: I am
originally from Wichita, Kansas. I know what you be
thinking. “Smythe, there be no oceans in Wichita. And
what’s with that accent?” Aye. Well, I always wanted to
be a pirate ever since watching that movie, Pirates
of the Caribbean. I became obsessed — obsessed with
becoming a Caricature Pirate and entertaining folks at
birthday parties held in Flanigan’s bars. So I hitched
me way to the East Coast and, upon reaching Miami Beach,
I saw this huge mass of pulsating water. I then had a
stroke and I be talkin’ like this ever since. But it be
helpin’ me get work at amusement parks, especially since
the sudden blindness in me left eye has forced me to
wear an eye patch. Arrrrrrrrr!
Incidentally, this be the 10th year the
SunPost has come out with a Best Of issue. Legend
has it that one day, publisher Andrew Stark came up with
an idea to drum up ad revenue by creating a Best of the
Beaches issue. It was to be done in less than two weeks.
The SunPost staff, unable to secure immediate
alternative employment or finding a preferable method of
suicide, were then indentured into a task they had no
idea how to accomplish. The tradition would continue
year after year. Aye, Andrew would make a fine pirate.
Arrrrrrrr!
At any rate, being a Caricature Pirate, I
be an expert in treasures, and the SunPost has
buried hundreds upon hundreds in these pages. And this
year, they’ve divided the main categories of City Life,
Shopping, Food, Nightlife and Arts and Entertainment
into two sections. The first be the Editor’s Choice
awards, where the SunPost’s enslaved editorial
staff give their personal treasures in all manner that
be defining Miami and the Beaches. The second be the
Best of Our Clients where
advertisers from Miami, the Beaches, Broward,
California, North Carolina and the Andromeda Galaxy are
given an added bit of publicity on their best
attributes. That reminds me of the things I have seen:
warships off of Orion on fire. Oh, wait, that be a line
from Blade Runner. Dang stroke. Arrrrrrrr!
Anyway, never you mind the rum-soaked
rantings of this salty old sea dog. Take a gander at the
hidden and not-so-hidden treasures of Miami. Arrrrrrr! |
