Imagine that. Florida awarded its highly-coveted 29 electoral votes in a crucial presidential contest – and nobody in the country gave a damn.
Who could have, would have, predicted that this would be the scenario of the year’s presidential election? That the outcome of the voting in the formidable battleground swing state that was Florida would, in the end, not mean diddly-squat to the ultimate outcome of the election?
Yet that is indeed what happened. Not only did our electoral votes – belatedly delivered four days after everyone else’s – not count, but the Sunshine State, once again, emerged from a national election a laughingstock, the butt of late night comics’ jokes and snickers.
After 2000′s fiasco, the nation wondered about us. After last week’s, the wonder hardened into certainty: all of America now knows that Floridians can’t capably conduct an election.
There’s just no doubt about it left. We can’t. We have proven it time and again.
For this, heads must now roll.
No, no, no. Apologies won’t do. Nor will promises suffice from hand-wringing nincompoops in officialdom, mumbling insincere mutterings of regret at what hath they and their stupidities wrought.
This time, the guilty should resign, be fired, be hoisted with their own petards. These dumbf—ks are an embarrassment to us. Some of them we even – ugh! – elected in previous elections.
Who to begin with? Easy. Let’s start with Dumbf—k No. 1. That would be our pea-brained governor, a man many in 2010 doubted was up to the job given that he had no previous political experience.
Told you so.
As much as many Floridians right now may want to give this ass wipe an immediate bum’s rush from the hallowed halls of the state capital, I think his comeuppance will surely arrive when Republicans hold their gubernatorial primary in the summer of 2014.
In other words, I don’t believe Slick Rick will make it to the November 2014 general election ballot because I don’t believe he will survive a primary challenge from a fellow Republican or more.
For if I interpret the political trade winds accurately with a wet finger thrust skyward, I’d bet that most Florida Republicans have come around to the consensus that this Tallahassee Terror is a toxic threat to their retaining control of the governor’s office.
Consider that he hijacked the office in 2010 with a slim plurality of only less than 62,000 votes.
I’d further wager that there are any number of GOP state legislators or mayors, cognizant of Rick’s skunk stench, currently assessing their chances of supplanting their party’s very unpopular standard-bearer.
Those chances, after last week’s Rick-engineered debacle, have got to be looking exceptionally better and improving all the time.
The Great White Bald-Headed Vote Suppressor of 2012 will, I expect, have to return in two years’ time to the only job he seems to have had any real success at:
And joining him to face the wrath of disgruntled or disenfranchised voters, you can add every one of the Republitards in the State Legislature (Dumbf—ks No. 2) who aided and abetted Rick by approving vote suppression measures in the name of combatting voter fraud and overloading this year’s bloated ballot with some of the most densely worded and unimportant amendments ever proposed to the state constitution.
I still can’t figure out why we were ever asked to consider that last one, about replacing “the president of the Florida Student Association with the chair of the council of state university student body presidents as the student member of the Board of Governors of the State University System.”
For those keeping score, that’s two presidents, two universitys, two states, and three students in one terribly long and nearly incomprehensible clause.
I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to vote no on this one just to spite the indolent state legislator who drafted or sponsored this one causing us to waste minutes of our time as we tried to figure just what the hell it meant.
Moving on to Dumbf—k No. 3, let’s get more localized: Miami-Dade Elections Supervisor Penelope Townsley.
Every FUBAR election seems to have its wacko, up-is-down-and-black-is-white county elections supervisor, the kind who compels the general public to wonder how she ever got a job supervising county-wide elections over one helping kindergarten students paste macaroni noodles onto construction paper.
In 2000, it was Palm Beach County’s Theresa LePore. In 2002, it was Broward’s Miriam Oliphant.
This year (you knew it was eventually going to get around to us) was our turn.
Maybe the blame – for the county’s prolonged vote count, for its failure to declare its final results in time, and for shutting down, then reopening, then shutting down again a line of frustrated and frazzled absentee ballot voters in front of Elections HQ – can come home to roost on the noggins of a menagerie of dumbf—ks, those already mentioned and those not.
Nevertheless, Townsley is the head of the elections department. As such, she was the local chief of this debacle and logic dictates that as chief, the buck stops at her desk, as does the responsibility for the county’s part as an accessory to this state-wide foul-up.
Correcting the mistakes that contributed to it is critical. So, too, is correcting the leadership, or lack thereof, that was in charge. Sorry, Ms. Townsley, but this is where you tender your resignation.
I admire Japanese society. When mistakes are made, those responsible rarely shirk from accepting blame. A corporate head or government leader will resign – won’t even wait to be pushed – and sometimes will fall on their sword. Literally (see: harakiri).
While I’m not asking Dumbf—ks 1, 2, and 3 to resort to committing harakiri (though I wouldn’t be entirely displeased if they did), I am asking them to accept responsibility for their complicity in Flori-duh’s and Miami-Dade’s wholesale humiliation.
And go. Hit the road, Jack. And Rick. And Penelope.
And if they won’t?
Then let’s sack these idiots – fire ‘em, vote ‘em out, turn ‘em out, any which way – and prove to the rest of the country that Floridians aren’t the dumbf—ks that everybody else takes us for.